Ava Kallie - Today is Your Day!

Oh sweet girl you’d be getting ready to head off the grade 4 tomorrow if you were still with us & we’d be celebrating your 9th birthday.

This day doesn’t actually crush me anymore -or at least not this year - the emotions, the grief, the loss is random & can totally blindside me but today, I’m in this peaceful place.

The world is neither better nor worse. My world is full of love, happiness & joy but yes at times it aches for more- for more that this sweet little girl would bring.

This past year in particular has brought up some emotions that I let go of a long time ago... it’s the “what if I could have done better” “maybe I could’ve prevented this” “maybe it actually was due to some sort of genetic link to me”.... I know in my head that I could never have done anything. But that doesn’t change the fact that there’s this ache in my heart, this doubt waging war inside me - and when i found out a few months ago that i actually have a genetic heart condition ... my mind started all over again.

I have more grace, more compassion, more confidence, my eyes and heart have been cracked open wide. I get pain, I get feeling like you’ll never be able to climb out of a deep dark hole.

I crave being able to help others, being able to share my story.

I have a hard time dealing with others stupidity sometimes when it comes to their health, their kids health.

I have a hard time when people take their life for granted or try to complain about “silly” things.

Don’t get me wrong I like to let go, have some “easy” conversations, have fun BUT i have no patience for people who complain about the same things over and over again... change it, step up, and change it if you don’t like it.

I have so much to be thankful for and choose to live my life in gratitude and service.

Ava Kallie you were too precious for life on earth.