Release the Fear
Well I got all hooked up yesterday - It’s that time of year again for me … heart health check in as I like to refer to the many tests I’ll have over the next month to stay on top of whats going on - the only way to keep an eye on my heart when it comes to “risk of death” to put it bluntly. Sorry to throw you all for a loop and shock you, but it’s the truth. It’s been a wild ride of emotions this past 1 ½ years since we discovered this BUT the good news is as of now my risk is low, I’m incredibly healthy and take steps everyday to stay that way. I’ve always loved working out and eating healthy because it energizes me, makes me feel strong, makes me happier, it’s something my body craves and thrives on and this heart thing, fuels the drive to be the best version of me physically & mentally.
In case you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about - let me give you a brief idea. We discovered the was a family history of HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) and specialists believe the sudden death of my dad when I was a baby was likely due to HCM. I went through the round of tests to see if I was a carrier or if I had it. Results came back & I was diagnosed with asymptomatic HCM with an unusual thickening on my heart. This has lead to a few alterations in my normal daily life - especially when it comes to exercise ( no extreme training for me). Other then that, life goes on and I believe knowledge is power - this is part of my story - I’m glad I know so that I can do everything possible to keep my body strong and safe and now I trust and have faith in my body & God.
Now - I’m going to go a little deeper here and be real because there’s so much fear and unknown in the world right now. So many people are scared and living in fear and letting that fear take over their life. Yesterday after getting this monitor hooked up I felt a real heaviness on my chest and then later I got a little emotional.… I wrestled with this for a bit and for me, writing it out usually works best and sharing it which is why I’m spilling all of this right now!
I think I got a bit anxious, a little fear started creeping in and my body was trying to keep me safe, trying to “protect”me. It’s incredible what our body is capable of. So I let it go, I prayed, I went for a bike ride with my kids, I wrote this all out, and the weight lifted.
There are 2 things that I have found incredibly hard and scary this past year for me personally …. the fact that I didn’t want my dad’s reality to become my reality and leave me husband without a wife and my kids without their mom. The other being that I could have passed this on to my kids and this could also be their reality. I trusted, I had faith, I prayed, and then I knew I needed to find out 100% for my boys if this was part of them as well. It sucked, it was terrifying actually seeing them go through the round of tests. Some parents choose not to put their kids through it until they can make up their own mind BUT Kyle & I felt so strongly that we needed to know, they needed to know because the body is an incredible thing, the medical community is an incredible tool and we would be always living in a little fear of the unknown and “what ifs” if we didn’t do everything we could to know. What if they had it and the extreme happened … what if we could’ve had them monitored - knowledge is power is my belief. The amazing news is NONE of them have it or are carriers (they had a 50% chance)!
I’m pouring out these words for so many reasons right now, to help me, to help others, to put words to fear and trust and faith and releasing it all to a higher power and living life. Let go of what you can’t control, embrace life, and accept your journey and your purpose!